20 RANDOM ONE SHOTS!
by DeadFuzz
Summary: 20 random one shots-some of the stories have: wendy/cartman, stan/kyle, cartman/kyle no slash, and a heap more ! Cartman/ Butters now up!
1. Random one shot one Murderer no slash

A/N:Hey peoples its omg

**A/N:Hey peoples its omg.u.killed.kenny and im back with a couple of more randoms!!**

**This is the first of 20 one shots I'm doing- you may have read this one before because it is posted on my fan fic but i wouldn't feel comfortable with out putting my very first one shot into a bunch of one shots written in my spare time and btw they wont all be this emotional!- so with out further ado- ENJOY! XD**

**Disclaimer: Nopes I don't own south park**

Murderer

The empty streets of South Park were dark, Kyle waited with Stan and Kenny, all in a renewed silence, in one of the many alleyways of the quiet town. A fat figure approached them in the darkness.

"Bit weird to hold a meeting here" Stan muttered under his breath, but Kyle caught on to the words.

"Yeah Cartman. What the hell is going on? First you're quiet all day, then you won't speak to us at lunch, and finally you ask us out here in the middle of the night for some gay meeting? This isn't another stupid plan of yours is it?"

Cartman took a while to Respond before sighing, saying,

"Kyle if you really want to you can go home and I won't rip on you for it, its really just Stan I want to talk to."

Kyle Kenny and Stan all looked at each other amazed; did Cartman just use a whole sentence without making fun of Kyle's religion?

"OK fat ass, what's up?" Kenny asked his voice slightly muffled by his orange parka. Cartman took a deep breath and looked up at the blue sky when he spoke he sounded uneasy and mad, and he kept looking around his eyes shifting, he reminded Stan of a fat version of Tweak.

"I- I need to tell you all something, an-and I can't be seen or heard"

All of a sudden to the astonishment of Stan, Kenny and Kyle, Eric Cartman broke down into tears, he was shaking all over.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Kenny's muffled voice sounded over the tears.

"I-I just lost control, I didn't mean to Stan… I swear. She just kept calling me names and I was sick of everyone saying I'm fat"

"Didn't mean to what Cartman? Who were you with?" Stan was looking nonplussed; he knew who Cartman was speaking about, though it was impossible. It had to be.

"I-I was with Wendy"

"What did you do to Wendy, Eric?"

Cartman didn't answer,

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?"

Cartman still didn't answer instead he took out a dry-blood stained knife with a shaky hand out of his pocket.

"Oh my God" Kyle quietly said, bewildered. He knew what Eric Cartman was capable of, but never thought he'd actually commit murder.

"YOU KILLED WENDY YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! "

Kenny and Kyle looked at each other and together grabbed Stan just in time, restraining him. Cartman took a step back and suddenly his face shone brightly in the street light. It was pale white. It was filled with fear.

"Blood… everywhere… She-She just kept saying 'Stan', then her eyes were dead, they looked like glass-"

"SHUT UP!" Stan yelled. Then, without even thinking, Stan grabbed his pocket knife out of his jacket sleeve. Cartman fled.

"LET GO OF ME!"

He thrashed his knife through the air; it cut a slash across Kenny's arm. He let go of his grip on Stan Shrieking in pain. Kyle however, did not slacken his grip. Stan turned to his best friend, knowing even if he cut Kyle's arm, like he did Kenny's, he would not let go. Kenny was sprawled on the ground, cursing under his breath, holding his blood soaked arm.

"Let go Kyle, I don't want to kill you but I will to get to Cartman."

"Dude, I know you will, but I'm not letting my best friend become a murderer. He's gone. He'll have fled the country by tomorrow." Kyle's voice was shaking. Even If Stan plunged that knife into his heart right there and then, he would not let go of his best friend. Stan took a breath, and lowered his knife.

"But he can't get away with it. She was only sixteen." There was an urgent plea in his voice.

"I know that" Said Kyle bending down, he took his jacket of and wrapped it tightly around a whimpering Kenny's arm.

"But Eric Cartman is not worth the death sentence."

Stan knelt down next to Kenny.

"Man, I'm sorry."

"Hey I've had worse" Kenny said shrugging, and smiling slightly, despite his the pool of blood growing larger and darker where he lay.

As Eric Cartman ran off into the night, he was too preoccupied to notice the car zipping around the corner. He didn't even notice the learners sign flash in the streetlight. And Bebe Steven's thought the fat figure in the distance was a trick of the light. It wasn't until she struck Eric Cartman dead she noticed it wasn't. She shrieked and shock, and got out of her car, absent mindedly leaving the radio on playing Justin Timberlake's "What goes around comes around" playing.


	2. One shot two just a girl Wenman

HEHE RANDOM STORY NUMBER TWO

**HEHE RANDOM STORY NUMBER TWO!!**

**TITLE: OH JUST A GIRL**

**SUMMARY: BEING A TEENAGER WENDY IS HAVING DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING WHY SHE IS 'JUST A GIRL' TO STAN UNTIL CARTMAN COMES ALONG… WEN/MAN YAY FOR STEREOTYPES!**

**RATING: T FOR LANGUAGE**

**AUTHORS NOTE: ENJOY XD!**

**DISCLAIMER: NOPES I DON'T OWN SOUTH PARK**

My name is Wendy Testaburger.

I'm a unique individual and anybody who fucks with me gets taught a lesson.

Up til last year in the ninth grade I had the perfect boyfriend. But me and my big mouth stuffed it up again.

I don't know where exactly it went wrong- but it did.

Now Guess what exciting news I have found out? I- Wendy Testaburger is the dreaded ex's lab partner. FUN!! Note sarcasm.

And here we are talking about white and red blood cells at my locker- my Pov- awkward- his Pov- he's excited he got picked to be with the smartest chick in class.

"Well if we put in the extra time we could probably make a paper Mache model of the different cells. But we'd have to have a little time outside of school to get it done in time. What do you say?"

Great- not only do I have to deal with him inside of school but now he's telling me I have to deal with his shit outside of school as well. Oh yeah- did I mention I still had feelings for him- that my tummy still did a back flip whenever he accidentally nudged me- that my heart feels like its being ripped to shreds when he _doesn't_ puke all over me? Well all that is true.

"Sure I guess but I can't do anything on-"

Suddenly a petite girl with bleached blonde hair and a designer coat interrupts me.

"Stanny! Do you want to eat lunch behind the sports shed today? Nobody ever goes there so-" suddenly her voice goes all dreamy and seductive "We'll be all alone"

Do you want a free ticket to a tour-a-la sun bitch? Return flight not included.

"Sure Penny- Wendy this is my girlfriend- I'll speak to you later"

As they walk off I hear 'Penny' say to Stan in a snobby jealous sort of a voice "Who was that Bunny hunks?"

Unfortunately I hear Stan's reply as well "Oh just a girl"

I push back the tears and feel like I'm falling- I slam my locker closed and lean against it closing my eyes.

Don't get sad get mad Wendy- keep strong.

So that's all I am now? Just a girl- after all that I'm still just a girl to him- of course he'll never know it but those three words hurt me more than bullets or knives ever could.

Suddenly I hear Bebe's sympathetic voice "What's wrong Wendy?"

I sigh but keep my eyes closed "Oh it's nothing Bebe- just Stan again"

"What happened?"

"Well it's nothing really- but you now how it is with boys- it's the little things they say that matter and stick with you"

"You can tell me Wendy"

I sigh again "He called me 'just a girl'. After all of it I'm just a girl to him. It's not fair"

I open my eyes and expect to see the boisterous face of my best friend there- her long curls flowing and a look of sympathy on her face and in her eyes.

Instead I see Cartman with a smirk on his face.

"You're not Bebe!" Well duh Wendy!

"Nope but I sure can imitate her" He laughs than adds in a sugary voice "ooh Poor Wendy- Boy trouble?"

I resist the urge to do a Craig and flip him off. "Shouldn't you be doing your job?"

"What job?"

"Chaperoning around that new student from Italy?"

"Pfft stuff him!"

I sigh, not really a conversation that I would like to have with an arrogant, racist, sexist…. Well you get the picture.

"So Wendy" he says leaning on the locker next to mine making the springs groan in protest "Stan called you just a girl? That's not very nice of him"

"Go away Cartman- why are you here? And what do you mean that's not very nice of him? Shouldn't you be insulting me?"

"Hold on hold on you didn't let me finish" He says I start to leave and to my great annoyance he follows. With my book clutched to my chest and a frown on my face I try to shake him off. No good as he's right behind me still talking.

"Your not 'just a girl' Wendy- your also just a hippie, just a ho, just a class president, just an activist, just a protestor, just an ex girlfriend, just annoying, just a bitch, just misunderstood, just clever, just nerdy, just geeky, just frigid, just talkative, just a loner, just different, just guy shy, just too nice, just too perfect, just a cheater, just a person who keeps pushing for what she believes him even though nobody else cares, just a teenager, just independent, and just unique"

He takes a deep breath as if wanting to continue but I stop dead in my tracks- turn around to face him- and interrupt.

"Grow up Cartman just get screwed" I hiss at him.

He holds up his pudgy hand and closes his eyes whilst shaking his head as if annoyed "You keep interrupting me Ho- let me finish"

I roll my eyes but stay where I am. This should be good.

"You may be just all those things and a lot more that piss me off- but when you put them all together Wendy- they make you. And when you put all those 'just's' together, they are no longer single but special. They make up an individual and there is nothing 'just' about you Wendy. Do you know why? Because you don't let people walk all over you and you always speak your mind."

I was speechless. Was this possibly a compliment from Eric Theodore Cartman?

Just then the Italian kid walks up to Cartman, a relieved look on his face.

"Eric could you pleaz show me ze library? I have been looking for you every vear but could not find you."

Eric sighs in a defeated sort of way.

"Come on Antonio I'll take you there"

He walks away leaving me standing there like a stunned mullet.

As he goes a catch a glimpse of their conversation

"Who vas that Eric?"

"Oh just a girl" He sighs before adding "Just a hot hippie chick with a great arse and huge freaking hooters!"


	3. now youve gone away no slash

A/N: Thanks for reviews

**A/N: Thanks for reviews!! This one isn't a slash but I was thinking about how my best friend went to Sydney and didn't come back so I thought of making a really sweet south park soppy kind of thing. I'm not to good at emotional stuff but ****-La-Resistance-Lives-On-**** is really good at it- I suggest you all read 'The rosary'- saddest and one of the best- This didn't happen to me but I thought since this is such a big issue it would be important to write about. Thanks- Oh yeah Btw its school holidays in Australia!! That means more random one shots!**

**Disclaimer: Like south park Omg.u.killed.kenny? No I love it! Do you own it? No so stop making me cry!**

When he left….

I remember the weekend before he left me alone like it was yesterday…

_I see Stan running up to me; his fourteen year old birthday had just passed. He was wearing the broadest grin I had ever seen. Though I just stand in my usual place at the bus stop- Cartman rolls his eyes and Kenny eyes Stan suspiciously as he skids to a halt, panting for breath, still with that smile._

_After a while he calms down, he's holding a tiny pocket booklet "Dude guess what! I have the best idea! We can do this!"_

_He holds up the booklet- in neat little letters it reads 'FORTY HOUR FAMINE' on the front. My heart sinks as I'm about to let my best friend down._

_Cartman lets out a cruel laugh "HA! Why the hell would I go without food for 40 hours because some kids are as poor as Kenny?"_

_Stan frowns and Kenny adds "Dude shut up! Sorry Stan I can't- no one in my family will donate" He looks slightly embarrassed about this fact._

_Stan turns to me with a hopeful gleam in his eyes "I know you will Kyle right?" His hearts always in the right place, that's why it hurts to say no._

"_Stan you know I would but-" Even now I can see his face start to fall as the smile slips slowly away- this sad look makes me feel so inadequate I want to curl up and disappear "I have diabetes dude! I'll pass out if I try"_

_To my surprise he smiles and shakes his head "No, dude that's the thing! I did some research and you can take these little candies called Barley sugars to keep your blood sugar up"_

"_Well… OK if you're really sure"  
_

"_Dude trust me!" I always do. I did as well; we raised a lot of money._

The next weekend he said his goodbyes. I didn't think I would cry, I'm a boy and boys don't cry. But I did.

I've shut my self off from everyone around me. I hate them all. I have no fire in my soul to inspire me anymore since he left…

Even then I was small for my age. A skinny little Jew with not enough meat on his bones, since he left I stopped eating as much.

I'm not anorexic and before you say anything I'm not in denial either (A/N cough cough denial cough cough). I just don't want to do anything anymore since he left. After all I had lost my fire. I have no inspiration to do anything anymore.

It's been a year. I wake up and get ready for school. I don't try anymore. I don't care anymore. Not since he left. My mum greets me as I come down the stairs. She leaves the kitchen after she places eggs, toast and orange juice in front of me. I skull the juice and take one bite of toast. I throw the rest in the bin.

How do I survive with diabetes like this? Well you can thank Stan for that. Barley sugar is my secret. It keeps me going.

I pop one into my mouth as my mum comes back into the kitchen "Finished already Bubula? Here you are I packed your lunch for you" I thank her and grab my bag before walking to school.

It's the third week back in the first term. As I'm walking I get one of my usual dizzy spells and pop another barley sugar into my mouth.

What's the point? The world will go on even if I'm not here anymore. Why did he have to leave and take my fire with him?

As I walk through the doors of SPHS, I notice the walls are dissolving. Time for another barley sugar, I always try to hide my thinness by wearing baggy clothes.

I meet with Kenny at my locker and close my eyes. My head hurts.

"What do we have first?" I ask him in a husky voice

"Dude its three weeks in and _the_ Kyle Broflovski hasn't memorised his timetable yet?"

Shut the fuck up Kenny. I have no energy for this.

"Just tell me Kenny"

"We have physical education"

I groan "Great" I say aloud "Just the thing I want to do. Run around all first period. Maybe I should go home sick" I feel hungry and wish I hadn't thrown my lunch over the neighbour's fence now.

"Dude don't worry its theory"

Good.

Kenny sighs "Too bad we don't have any classes with-"

I interrupt "Kenny do you think he'll come back?"

I finally open my eyes. He's giving me a pitiful look "Dude he hasn't rang in a year. He hasn't contacted any of us. I know it's hard but face it- he's forgotten about us"

I manage all the strength I can muster "Don't say that! You're lying! Shut up!"

I can't face it. It's impossible that the one person that caused my fire didn't have... Wasn't my… Doesn't… Whoa I'm dizzy.

I rush off to the nurse's office ignoring Kenny calling out to me "I'm sorry Kyle but it's the truth!"

I look in a mirror as I'm passing and almost faint. I'm as pale as a pillow and thinner than usual. Happy 1 year anniversary right?

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I'm at home. I had a banana and that was it. As soon as I ate it I regretted it. I was just heading back to my room when the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Kyle? Is that you?"

I-I-I don't believe it- it's him!

"Is that-"I can't bear to say his name.

"Dude I'm so sorry I didn't ring! I lost your phone number during the move and then things got busy and while I was doing my annual clean up of my room I found my phone book!"

I laugh "I thought you would have memorised it"

"Dude no I just-"

"Just shut up ok?" I can feel the tear well up in my eyes "Just shut up"

"Kyle listen-"

"No you listen! I swear to God if you don't get your fat ass back to South Park I'm going to kill you Cartman!"

It's been a whole year since I've said his name.

I hear him chuckle in the background. It fills me with joy. Every time we shot at each other- we were strengthened. When he went away- it was taken away from me. Now I've heard his laugh I don't feel weak anymore.

"Well I missed you too Jew"

**Flames? Good? Bad? Soppy? Please review I love opinions- go on hit the button- you know you want to!**


	4. Who am I BebeKenny

Sorry about late stuff- I have been short on ideas and kinda lazy heh heh… ANYWAYS ENJOY

**XOMG I'm SO SO SO SORRY I DIDN'T POST FOR AGES BUT I WAS AT MY DADS FARM AND HIS INTERNET WAS DOWN!! (SORRY)**

**ANYWAYS ENJOY!!**

**Title: Who am I?**

**Summary: Bebe is finding it hard as a teenager to live in a school that labels her for past mistakes- will the one person who can help her make it in time- does he even care?**

**Disclaimer: Nopes I don'ts owns south park- whys u wants to makes me cries?**

_My name is Bebe Stevens._

_I am sixteen years old._

_I have curly blonde hair._

_I live in South Park, Colorado._

Translated:

_My name to everyone is "easy to get with bitch"_

_I am at the bridge of youth- and am expected to flaunt it._

_I am a bimbo and a slut because of my hair colour._

_I live in the shittiest pissant town in the world…_

Of course- I don't write the translation in my English assignment. Its one of those stupid 'who am I' assignments that teachers give you at the start of the year.

Let me paint you a picture.

Have you ever been judged by something you did in the past? Ever been labelled because of a mistake you've made?

Welcome to my life.

Let me explain to you why my town is the shittiest in the world. When I was eight or nine- I can't really remember anymore- Paris Hilton came to our pissant town. I was one of the smuttiest to follow her around like a love sick puppy apparently. Now in high school, every one expects me to be a whore because of what happened in elementary! How stupid is that? When I didn't comply to the boys cat calls and jeers I got labelled 'frigid'. What was I supposed to do? With the ongoing peer pressure of everyone around me and the rumours being passed around I tried to stay strong but I found it harder and harder.

Then something happened in the eighth grade that finally broke my spirit- broke my will. Something terrible happened that would bring back horrible memories from the past. My mother decided to have a garage sale.

_While all my school mates were looking through old type writers, dolls, video games and haggling prices with my mother, I was sitting on a lawn chair in charge of the money. I was getting bored with Craig who was asking how much I would cost, when Heidi let out a squeal of laughter._

"_Hey everyone- you won't believe what I just found!"_

_Suddenly everyone started crowding around Heidi who seemed to be holding a dusty yellow folder with peeling smiley faces and rainbow stickers. _

_I dashed over, unable to believe my eyes. No! No way! How the hell did that get there?_

"_OH- MY- GOD!" Red exclaimed glancing around at the confused faces._

_Then suddenly the terrible feeling at the pit of my stomach grew as Wendy called out to everyone what I had been dreading "I don't believe it! Is that the fake list from fourth grade?! The one that rated the boys?!"_

_All of a sudden everyone looked at me and I could feel my face grow hot. A lot of the boys were now smirking._

_Craig sighed a kind of dreamy sigh and said loud enough for everyone except my mother to hear "wasn't it great back then? When Bebe actually dated boys? When she wasn't a frigid bitch?"_

_Suddenly a lot of them grinned cruelly and nodded in agreement- I cant remember who actually said the thing that finally broke my spirit but I think it was either Clyde or Token- probably Clyde. "Yeah Bebe- Why don't you just quit acting and admit it- You're a slut! You're pathetic! Stop pretending and just admit it so we can all be a lot happier."_

_There were shouts of agreement at this and I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes "But I- I was only eight when it happened! It wasn't completely my fault!"_

_Now Wendy speaks up- but unfortunately for me not in my defence "I seem to remember someone tell me that you were the mastermind behind the fake list"_

_Nods of agreement come from all over._

"_But- I-I- I was eight!"_

_Now they laugh coldly. Lola speaks "Yeah but you know what they say- once a slut always a slut- or was it once a cheater always a cheater?"_

That was it for me. I finally agreed to date guys. I let them do whatever they wanted- anything to stop the ridicules. But I never stuck with a guy for more than two days. That was my rule. Sure they may have defeated me and brought me down but I stick with my boundaries. It's not my fault, hey if it were up to me…

I sigh and leave my computer desk

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The wind is blowing at my curls and I take a deep breath.

No one would ever guess Bebe Stevens would visit the school after the bell had rung. That was more of a Wendy thing.

That's why nobody will be here to witness my death.

It's not just the ugly kids that get a hard time you know.

There's only one person who could possibly feel the same thing I do. To bad he's probably in the bedroom with Heidi or Red or Lola or even all three.

I hate this town. Even standing on top of the school when the sun is about to set it looks disgustingly grotesque and white bred.

One little jump will put an end to my misery.

My one regret is that I have been with every guy in the school except the one I truly wanted to be with. The one that would understand me and not just use me. Or would he?

_Shake, shake, shake, shake-a-shake it_

That's my message tone.

The last message I'll ever read.

One jump will do it.

But I must be patient.

I flip open my phone.

_1 new message-_

_Craig_

I sigh and roll my eyes. This is the last message I'll ever get? What a waste.

_I'm home alone._

I'm_ having problems with my lessons in human Biology. Could u spare some time to teach a bad boy a lesson?_

Definitely a waste of my time and just one example of why I'm going to jump- I hope when the forensic Investigation Squad finds this text message that they will charge Craig with murder. After all it is his fault.

"Well" I sigh "This is my last breath and my last words. Umm… Oh hell screw it nobodies hear to hear this so I might as well jump"

"Oh does that make me a nobody then?"

I spin around and nearly lose my balance. I don't believe it! It's actually him! What the hell is he doing here?

"K-Kenny?"

Don't be stupid who else would it be dumbass! He flicks his cigarette and grins.

"The one and only" he suddenly frowns. "Now don't tell me you were going to jump. I mean we've all thought about suicide- but you've gone beyond thinking about it. You've gone further than anybody else in this school has!"

I roll my eyes and my heart beats faster "Story of my life" I mutter.

He laughs and lights another cigarette.

"You're being really selfish doing this you know"

I frown "What do you mean?"

"Well with you committing suicide I'll have to take over as the schools biggest sex bomb and that means double the work for me" He grins again.

I sigh. So even he views me as that? I was a fool. He doesn't understand at all! He actually enjoys being a slut… I don't.

"What are you doing here McCormick?"

"Trying to stop you ruining my life"

A silent tear creeps out of my eye "What do you mean by that? You have more guys to pound you? Big ruin that is I bet!"

He shakes his head and takes a step closer.

"That's not what I mean Bebe. If you die- I won't have a point in living either"

I breathe in.

He holds out his hand.

"Please don't do it Bebe"

"But… You'll just use me like the rest of them" I spit.

He shakes his head with his hand still outstretched. "When to sluts get together it's pretty hard to do that… And I don't think you're a slut Bebe. You're the only woman I respect"

I take a look down to the hard asphalt ground and gulp. Then I look down at his outstretched hand and make my decision in a split second.

I jump.

But not to my cold hard death- I jump into the arms of the one person I truly love.

To the school- Kenny McCormick and Me Bebe Stevens are the biggest sluts in the world.

But to us- we are the biggest lovers in the world.

And tomorrow- We won't exactly be sluts anymore.

It's pretty hard to call somebody a slut when they date the person of their dreams- and will refuse to let him go.


	5. Chapter 5 Lip virgin Truth or dare

Dear Peoples:

**Dear Peoples:**

**I'm sorry for the late update; school has just started up again… BORING**

**I'm feeling rather depressed at the moment- I accidentally deleted Truth dare double dare kiss love or torture and I can't find the chapters on my computer to get it back up again.**

**So this one is dedicated to all the style fans- R.I.P Truth dare double dare kiss love or torture…**

**Name: Truth or dare/ Lip Virgin**

**Summary: At a birthday party sleepover, we discover that somebody is a lip virgin- never been kissed…**

**Slash: Style**

**Rating: T**

**Please Enjoy **

**: )**

**Disclaimer: I don't own south park so shut the fuck up**

As the day went on, Kyle found himself glancing at his watch more and more, waiting for the school day to end.

This was not normal for Kyle Broflovski.

But on this day it could be found that he had a rather good excuse for this abnormal behaviour- tomorrow was the first day of the holidays. Tomorrow was also his birthday. Today was his birthday sleepover.

At the age of 14 going on 15 Kyle Broflovski thought he had it great- he was doing a lot better than average in school, he had 2 great friends and one annoying but tolerable nemesis. Life was good for Kyle Broflovski.

On his book he absent mindedly doodled while everyone else talked and messed about. It was the last day of the school term- therefore no work had to be completed- not that his school mates would have acted differently if there had been.

He unfortunately did not share any of his classes with his friends and thankfully not his nemesis either. So that is why he refrained from talking to others. What was the point when there was only-

20 minutes left?

He doodled a little more on his notebook. He would have to get a new one these holidays. He was on his second to last page

10 minutes left…

He had a rather annoying song stuck in his head, but hey what were you gonna do? After all there was only

5 minutes left.

How on earth did Mr. Cytaster get to sleep with all this noise surrounding him? Craig better be careful putting that sign on Mr. Cytaster's back- if the bell wakes him up and he's caught he will be dead.

I guess he's safe though cause there is still

2 minutes to go…

1 minute to go…

Craig returns to his seat

30 seconds to go…

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

A long drawn out ring awakes our teacher from his slumber.

"Class dismissed- have a great holiday!"

The class is already out the door.

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"Why… Didn't… We… Take… The… Bus?" Cartman puffs and pants as we walk from the school to my house- its only about 15 minutes away, but Cartman makes it feel like an hour.

Why did I even invite my nemesis to the party?

"Dude if you hurry up we'll get there quicker" Stan says.

Cartman slants against a building and puffs and pants, holding up his hand "Just…A…Second"

It's going to be dark by the time we get home.

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"Good pizza dude"

"Yeah, but we would have had more if Cartman didn't eat a two whole boxes to himself, plus a whole loaf of garlic bread, plus one of the litre bottles of coke"

"Hey you snooze you lose hippies!"

I sigh. I don't even bother contributing to the conversation.

"Hey!" Kenny says all of a sudden "let's make prank calls!"

0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0: 0:0:0:0:0:

"Umm… Yes this is Craig- Is Bebe there?" Kenny says pinching his nose to make his voice sound more nasally.

"Dude put it on speaker!" I whisper.

He obliges "-I'll just get her… BEBE!! BEBE- I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!" there's a long pause in the background "I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE a MUD MASK ON WITH CUCUMBERS ON YOUR EYES- GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! THERE'S A BOY ON THE PHONE FOR YOU"

We all try to hold in our snickers

"Hello?" Says an annoyed voice

"Umm… Yes this is Craig... Is that Bebe?"

Her voice all of a sudden becomes light and sugary "Craig! Oh hey I was just thinking about you!"

"Really?"

"Yeah… So anyway… Watcha doing?"

"Nothing… what are you wearing?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said what are you wearing?"

"… Craig- I don't think we should see each other anymore" We cant hold in our snickers anymore. We let loose.

"Hello? Who is this? Is that you Kenny?"

We all freeze horror struck. _How did she know?_

"Get a life Kenny! I told you before stop stalking me! Its bad enough that you have to follow me home every night and look through my window- but this is getting creepy!"

We all look at him. Strangely he blushes. He never blushes.

"Uhh… Bebe- Its Kyle" I interrupt trying to spare him.

"Oh…" I can sense her blushing through her mud mask on the other line "What are you doing?"

"Well I'm just bored… What do girls do at slumber parties?"

"Well… uh… we play truth or dare" There's an awkward pause in which Cartman and Stan are trying to muffle their laughter.

"Bye" I hang up.

:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0

"Dude I'm bored! There's nothing to do!!"

"Well… How bout we play truth or dare?"

"Ok… I'll start" Cartman says

"Kyle- truth or dare?"

"Umm..." I really don't want to do dare "Truth"

"Umm… Ok… What's the furthest you've gone with a chick…? And who with?"

I try to think back… I haven't exactly had any girl friends or anything.

"Well… Umm… In the third grade I kissed Bebe and Rebecca"

To my surprise Kenny and Cartman burst out laughing.

"Ha! That's the furthest you've ever been?? Pfft! That doesn't count!"

"Yes it does fatass!" I say indignantly

"Nuh-uh! Elementary crap doesn't count for anything!"

"Dude I have to agree with him there" Kenny laughs.

"HE'S A LIP VIRGIN!" Cartman declares.

"What's a lip virgin?" Stan asks

"Some nerd like Kyle who's never been kissed- pfft! Hahaha this is priceless!"

"I…I…I need to use the bathroom" I say blushing and hurry out of the room.

I slam the door to muffle their laughter and lean against the wall. I take a deep breath in- and out.

Click!

What was that?

I look up from my hands (which my head was resting in) and see Stan standing there.

"Hey dude- don't let em get to you"

He places a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah I know…" I sigh. _So close yet so far…_

"I think I know a solution though"

I look up…

"Dude I'm not getting a chick drunk just so I can be kissed… Or do you know a chick that likes me?"

He shakes his head and looks up as well- his ocean blue eyes flash at my boring old green ones.

"Not a chick"

And suddenly- unexpectedly- sweet soft, yet chapped lips seem to find mine.

I'm in heaven.

It's only been about 10 seconds but it seems like forever when we break apart.

He smiles at me and flashes his deep blue eyes again "Guess you're not a lip virgin anymore"

I'm glad that he can't see me blushing- we're way too busy to notice small things like that.


	6. I miss you no slash songfic

SORRY

**SORRY!! SCHOOL HAS STARTED AND I HAVE BEEN BOMBARDED WITH EVIL TEACHERS AND THEIR EVIL HOMEWORK!!**

**Disclaimer: don't own Blink 182's I miss you or south park**

**TITLE: I miss you**

**Summary: First ever song/fic... What can I say?? I'm in a depressed mood.**

**Slash: Nada (those who don't speak Spanish- none)**

I still remember the day like it was yesterday.

Screams, blurs, a fire. It took you away from me. From us.

_Hello there the angel from my nightmare  
The shadow in background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley_

It was night time when you breathed your final breath. It was dark when you spoke your last words. Death took you away just like that.

It creeped up unexpectedly and snatched you away from us. I screamed.

It was like I was in a cemetery. The feeling of depression engulfed me more in that moment than I ever felt before.

You looked like an angel from my worst nightmare. Your face so pale you looked heaven sent. But with beauty comes horror- my worst nightmare became reality when you took your final breath.

_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting everytime_

You've gone away forever. This realisation grips at my throat tightly and won't let go. I can't sleep for when I close my eyes I see your pale face and blank eyes staring up at me. When I do sleep I don't dream anymore.

I have nightmares- the night repeats itself and my horror comes back to life. Having you die over and over… It gets worse each time.

Your death haunts me. I need you. WE need you. It's too late though. I always needed you. I still do.

It haunts me more than the others. It's my fault your dead. Intoxicated. I drove intoxicated. That's what you called it anyway.

You begged me, you basically screamed for me to let you out. Saying it was illegal. Saying it was dangerous. It only made the whole experience more exciting for us. But not for you.

_And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders  
catching things and eating their insides  
_

The patterns that the twisted metal the side door of my car made on the tree, when the gas tank exploded, when the brakes squealed as my car wrapped itself around the tree like a spider wraps its fresh victim.

But you were the only victim.

It should have been me. You wanted out. When I crawled out from the debris of what was my car, that's when I saw you. That's when I felt it.

It tore at my heart and ate at my insides to see you gasp for breath. The blood- everywhere. I would have given anything to be in your place. Death is not a pretty sight. Yet that night he was your best friend- he replaced me.

He was a better friend than I was.

_Like indecision to call you  
And hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
stop this pain tonight_

As I held you in my arms, as you breathed your last breath, your voice sounded to me like a small child.

"Stan"

"Kyle- don't leave me please don't leave me"

"Stan" You look down and see the front end of my car piercing your stomach. I try to stem the flow of blood with no prevail. You make a sickening noise- it's a noise of realisation- that this will be your last moments on the earth.

"Your going to be Ok Kyle" I lie to him- just like I lied to him about how many drinks I had that night "Just a scratch- just a scratch Kyle" Though he knows I'm lying. The tears uncontrollably running down my face and my trembling hands are a giveaway- a dead giveaway.

He notices the blood down my face- mainly his but in his last moments he believes its mine- he believes I'm leaving with him. I wish I did. He tries to raise a hand to touch it but he's too weak. He's losing blood quickly.

"Don't-die-Stan" He gasps in his last breathes.

He couldn't bare to lose me- but he never knew- it was I who lost him.

If I could speak to you one more time- it would heal my pain.

_Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head_

Your voice echoes through my thoughts every second of everyday. Out of all of us- you were the one who died.

Ironic- one of your favourite words- death by irony was one of your favourite phrases. You were the only one who died. Yet you were the only one who didn't want to be in the car with a bunch of drunken idiots.

The rest of us were merely scratched.

You wasted your last breath on me.

You wasted it on me- I didn't want you too. Maybe if you saved your breath you would have survived.

_I miss you_

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

I can't take it anymore.

Do you know what its like to live without meaning anymore?

To have the one thing that truly mattered taken away from you?

I can't take it anymore.

I can't take it anymore.

Surely death with you is better than life without you.

Life with out you is life with no meaning.

I can't take it anymore.

Only in death are we separate- only in death we are apart.

I will. No I must take this knife to be with you.

_Don't die Stan_

Clearer than ever before your voice comes from the darkness- the light to my pitch black hole.

"Kyle?"

_Don't die Stan._ Those were your last words. Shall I live by them and cherish them sacredly or ignore them?

_Don't Die Stan_

"But I miss you!" I scream out to nobody. I'm all alone- even when surrounded by others I'm alone.

_Stan? Are you drunk? Stan pullover! I don't want to be in the car with you._

_Lighten up Kyle- I can do what I want._

_Yeah don't be such a stupid Jew Kyle!_

_Stan! I'm serious- if you were really my friend you would take every word I said seriously- you would listen to me!_

_I'm not pulling over Kyle- Man this guy is a Sunday driver! Hey guys- who wants me to overtake him?_

_Yeah!!_

_Stan don't! There might be another car coming!_

_Shut up Kyle!_

_Listen to me Stan! Listen to me._

If I listened to you- you wouldn't be dead- but if I listen to you, I won't be dead.

If only I listened to you I wouldn't be in this mess.

_Exactly_

"What?" I whisper, again to nobody.

_Listen to me Stan… Don't die Stan…_

"But I miss you so much! Your death hurt me!"

_And if you die, you'll be hurting others- if one dies, more than 5 die inside. Do you really want to cause more pain?_

"A-are you giving me the guilt trip?"

_Yes. Listen to me Stan… Don't die Stan…_

I put the knife down.

"I miss you" I whisper.

_I miss you too. Oh and Stan?_

"Don't leave again!! Please!!"

_I have to but just listen to me…_

"Ok" I whisper

_Thanks for listening._

**Please don't drink and drive- it affects more people than you would think…**


	7. Ancient Greece

AN: Okays

AN: **Okays! Thankyou , thankyou my lovely readers for being patient with me! As some of you might know I made another story (Mail Order, sign here for 1 Kyle Broflovski) but that doesn't mean that I'm going to ditch this one! I love you all for being so patient and I apologise by 70 billion times over! No matter what I will definitely for finish this story- I apologise again and please, pretty please with chocolate syrup on top please forgive me… I love you all if you have had the patience to stay with me- if you hadn't- I definitely don't blame you and I'm sorry again… Love you all Joy joys! Enjoy!**

Title: Ancient Greece

Summary: Cartman had an obsession with Clyde Frog from a very young age- but nobody knew that obsession would lead to something different…

Slash: You'll have to read to find out ;-)

Cartman had always liked Clyde frog. To hell with that last sentence- Cartman had always LOVED Clyde frog. Ever since a young age- when Kyle ripped Clyde frog's head off, Eric Cartman thought that his heart had been ripped to shreds. Of course- he could not let one Kyle Broflovski know that- he would never live another day.

But it was only in high school that Cartman realised a slight resemblance in one Clyde Frog and Clyde Donovan.

Not just the names either.

Clyde Frog had a body that if you hugged- you would instantly feel better. Clyde Donovan- well Eric Cartman didn't know how it felt to hug Clyde Donovan, but he desperately wanted to find out. Clyde looked the huggable type. Though in elementary he was gabbed as 'second fattest kid', Cartman thought it was more puppy fat than anything- to hug him would be like a bear hug. Soft and relaxing, though you would feel safe at the same time. Like nothing would be able to harm you.

Clyde frog had a big sewed on grin. Whenever the young Cartman would gaze upon Clyde Frogs grin he couldn't help but want to laugh. It was slightly lopsided because whoever manufactured it was to lazy or in too much of a hurry to double check their sewing. Though Eric didn't mind one bit.

Clyde Frogs smile reminded Eric of Clyde Donovan's big bashful smile. Whenever they won a football game, Cartman would gaze on Clyde from the benches- at first the look on Clyde's face would be disbelief, but then to Eric's wide relief it would turn into a rather dimply smile. One of disbelief and- was that a hint of pride?

It took Eric Cartman a very long time, and a lot of sleepless nights, to find out why whenever he closed his eyes he saw Clyde Donovan. When he was young it was Clyde Frog but growing up the face had slowly mutated into Clyde Donovan's. Cartman studied everything about Clyde- he needed to know what kind of game Clyde was playing, what kind of trick he was playing on him, to make Eric look onto him every five seconds.

Of course at first Cartman was in denial, like many young, experimenting teens, he just couldn't understand what made him look at Clyde more than the others in the locker rooms after football.

He became obsessed with trying to find out what kind of products Clyde had used to distract him for so long.

Then, gradually, very, very gradually, Eric Cartman learnt to accept, and embrace his feelings for Clyde, not just as a crude attempt to make him look gay, but as a high school crush, and perhaps more.

But it wasn't just that either. Cartman soon found himself to be a very restless sleeper. He would twist and turn and tug at the blankets, fluff up the pillows, make himself more snug, but none of this would help him in his vain attempt to sleep.

One night Cartman sighed. He knew why he couldn't sleep he just didn't know why the nagging, tugging sensation wouldn't let him go. Surely after admitting he had liked someone the empty feeling would disappear and he'd get a good night sleep? But alas, no. It was only when Cartman turned over to see the worn Clyde frog to the left of him, that he realised he wouldn't, he couldn't sleep until the Clyde next to him in bed wasn't a cheap plush frog. It was a boy Cartman had known all his life.

And so the day came. Of course it was an accident. But something in Cartman told himself it was definitely no accident. That a part of him had meant to admit it, so that a certain someone would get the hint.

"And so that concludes why China is one of the most advanced, of the ancient civilisations"

"Thankyou Miss. Testaburger"

Cartman was staring into the back of Clyde's straight brown hair. He desperately wanted to reach out, to touch it.

"And now we have Clyde Donovan on his talk of Ancient Greece" Says the half asleep teacher.

Cartman watches every move as Clyde walks up to the front of the room.

"Thankyou. I'm going to talk to you today about Ancient Greece. Greece was one of the first ancient nations to use coins instead of bartering. So unlike China, Greece was very ahead of its time"

Cartman looks around at Wendy sitting behind him and smirks to see the strong glare on her face directed towards Clyde. He turns his attention back to the front.

"Many of Greece's Ancient relics are very well known. But something very unknown about how ahead of time the Greeks were, I'm about to share with you" He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He looks like what he's about to say is going to pain him.

"Greeks were very ahead of their time because, they were one of the first Ancient Civilisations to embrace, instead of push away, homosexuality"

At this there is an out burst of giggles. But some of the boys are looking at Clyde in a disbelief. Like their eyes are telling him not to continue, to give it up. But Clyde keeps going.

"In many ways, the Ancient Greeks were more ahead back then, then we are in today's society. They didn't judge people because of what gender they loved, they knew that love is in the heart, its not in Genders. The majority of their military were homosexual"

"Clyde Donovan!" The teacher declares "I will have no more of this trash in my class! Where do you get your sources from?"

He takes a deep breath before saying "Google"

The teacher looks like he's about to explode- nobody- I repeat nobody, would have the guts to argue with the biggest teacher in the world. Google.

"Well I give you a C for effort but only if you stop this nonsense now"

"What are you homophobic or something?"

"No but I doubt this is a conversation that is suitable for year 11 ancient history!"

"Are you in denial? I'm giving you facts! Dude this is messed up- this is censorship, that's what your doing! You can't deny that people are gay"

"I don't know anyone that's gay thankyou very much Mr. Donovan, now take your seat immediately!"

"You know me!" It seemed to slip out of his mouth before he knew what he was saying. The whole class went dead silent. And then burst out all simultaneously with whispers. Clyde looked like he was about to cry.

That's when Cartman realised the difference between Clyde Frog and Clyde Donovan. His eyes. Clyde Frogs were beady and black whereas Clyde Donovan's were…. Beautiful.

In the later years, Cartman learnt a lot from Clyde. But still to this day their main interest is both Ancient Greece.

**Flames? Good? Bad? I've never read a Clyde/Cartman before- and this is the first time I've ever written one? Feed back?**


	8. Some one like you o yes there is slash

**I wonder If there is another word for writers block? Why yes there is its called 'SCHOOL' aka hell! Seriously when am I going to use poetry in the real world? Don't worry Don't worry I'm not going to torture you with poetry, or stupid algebra, or fairy tales, or pollution, or astronomy like my teachers do to me. ****Sigh if only there were a place where I could get the hell out of this craptastic school. Oh woe is me. Anyways enough of my bitchin- lets move out!**

**Disclaimer: If I was Trey and/or Matt do you really think I would be sitting here wishing I was somebody else?**

**Title: Some one like you**

**Description: Something happened to that little boy… He grew up… He learnt new things. But for some reason he is still Butters. And that's just the way Eric Cartman likes it.**

**Slash: Butters/Cartman I shall call you Butterman muhahahah!**

Eric Cartman is still the same ignorant, racist, sexist, bigotry, fatass in grade ten as he was in grade three and four.

He still hates the Jews. He still believes he had 'authoritah'. He still makes fun of Kyle Broflovski. And God help us he still has a helpless pawn doing all of his evil deeds.

But that Pawn had also grown up and oh Lord help him he was still just as naïve as when he was younger.

But no matter how much that little boy had grown up, Cartman still relied on him with every whim to make his evil plans victorious. After all what sort of fascist dictator to be would you be without an evil minion? No matter how unevil that minion was for that matter.

It was only one day that Cartman decided to sneak up on poor Butters while he was talking to some girls (which seemed to accept his flamboyant ways more than the boys did) did Cartman realise something very peculiar about the little boy in blue.

He didn't stutter.

Or at least, Cartman didn't think he did. No he was correct, Butters Scotch was not stuttering. Which according to Cartman was absolutely absurd- hadn't Butters always stuttered?

So he decided to do a test. He left a note in Butters heavily stickered locker saying to meet him at his house at 6:00 Pm sharp.

And so Cartman waited, pacing his living room, all afternoon and at exactly six he heard the doorbell ring.

He smirked to himself- just in time- that was just like Butters.

"Good evening Butters" Cartman greeted in his oily, sly voice.

"h-hello Eric" Butters greeted, fidgeting all the while.

Cartman was taken aback- Butters was speaking fluently just this afternoon. What had gotten into him?

"Sit down Butters" Butters took his usual place on Cartman's couch (yes he has visited so much frequently he has developed his own spot) and looked nervously into the rubenesque (fancy word for fat) boys eyes.

"Butters… I was watching you today" At this Butters got very nervous. He seemed to resemble Tweak with his twitching and fidgeting. Whatever had gotten into him?

"How come you weren't stuttering" There was not the usual coldness in Eric Cartman's voice- just curiosity and maybe a twinge of sadness.

"w-well uh Eric n-now promise you wont get m-mad but…Y-you make me n-nervous"

It was funny- with anybody else Eric would have body slammed them… Then why was Butters different?

"I-I really Like you Eric" Butters said, his big puppy dog eyes looking into Cartman's "I-I try hard not to disappoint you"

"Butters" Cartman sighed, sitting down next to the small boy and putting his large beefy arms around the poor boys small frame "Why would I get mad at that?"

And well I'm sure you could guess how nervous that mad Butters feel. But rest assured that night Cartman made Butters feel very protected indeed.

"Just promise me one thing Butters"

"W-what's that Eric?"

"That you'll let me keep those hello kitty underwear"

**Well what do ya think? I must say that all this poetry is putting me in a rather posh mood! Simply splendid to see those reviews Matey! I must dash! Pip-pip! Cheerio!**


	9. Goodbye

Attention all readers of my stories, or faithful fans of pairings.

Do Not bother reading if you do not care :)

This is an authors note to say that I will not be continuing any of my stories. I have come to an age where I am either to busy to write updates or that I have lost any feeling of need to do so. I do not get the same ZING from fan fiction that I used to.

Thank you to everybody that has reviewed, favorite or even just read my stories. You guys gave me the confidence to write what I felt like and not feel like an idiot in doing so.

A few people I would like to thank personally.

**JVM**-**sp150- ****It was your stories that truly made me fall in love with fan fiction, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your hilarious plots, creative story lines and fast updates. You were a true inspiration for me and I hope you never stop writing. Thank you and good bye.**

**Cartooncutie16****- Our role plays together were always fun and gave me the boost I needed to get through the day, you were a valuable friend and a devoted fan forever. : )**

**Styleislove****- Oh gosh Kenni where to start? You are like a big sister to me and I love you from the bottom of my heart 3 Your stories were always awesome, emotional and enjoyable and I don 't care what anybody says but you have to be a writer!**

**Ayafangirl****- You gave me a lot of support and your stories are freaking awesome and full of surprises! You are a talented writer, keep up the awesome work.**

**And to everybody else who read my stories and reviewed or favorite I thank you, but this is goodbye.**

**Love you lots 3**

**Love**

**Omg..kenny, making her last ever post on FF.**

**PS. I have put the same thing on all my stories and they have probs flooded anybodys inbox who has me on alert so if you have read this delete all the other chapter updates cause it's the same message. **

**Goodbye, So long, Forever. **


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